Hello, all! I recently had the honor of doing a collaboration with Eric Anderson of ADHD GO. Eric is a writer and coach who helps people manage their ADHD. He asked me to come on the ADHD GO YouTube channel recently to discuss ADHD in girls and women. You can find that episode HERE and the article we discuss in the video HERE!
In addition to coaching others in his very own self-coaching strategy, he has also written the book ADHD GO: Treatment & Self-Coaching Go Beyond Your Symptoms. You can find it on bookshop.org and amazon.com. Be sure to check out the ADHD GO website (and a great blog!) and the ADHD GO YouTube channel. You can also find him on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram!
In this, our first-ever guest post on The Winter Of My Discontent, Mr. Anderson presents us with an installment of his blog series, “Thing An ADHD Coach Hears,” wherein he gives some advice on how to get over some common issues that ADHD coaches hear from their clients. I hope you guys enjoy it as much as I did!
Things an ADHD coach hears
By Eric Anderson of ADHDGO.com
Our paths and destinations are very different, but we are all connected by the symptoms of ADHD. The tools and the realizations we need to go through are very similar and we can learn a lot from our shared experience. I’ve learned a lot from my first year of coaching and decided to write a series of reflections about some of the things I hear again and again. I’m sure there will be many more, so leave your thoughts in the comments. Here are a couple of things that might be part of your treatment journey.
“I’ve tried everything.”
I feel this way when I’m frustrated by the same failures over and over again, no matter what I do. It feels like nothing is changing and I’m tired. If I fail to switch tasks after my timer goes off, I might tell myself that, “timers just don’t work for me” and stop trying.
But that’s obviously ridiculous. Nothing is going to work every time, especially if I give up almost immediately. In this case, past outcomes aren’t always predictive of future outcomes.
Turn it into a positive statement. “I haven’t tried everything.” Rather than a bleak statement of surrender, this statement is a challenge.
“I haven’t tried everything. Ok, what’s next? How can I try something again, but get better results?”
Keep trying and you will discover your own unique solutions for your unique situation. Get creative. Cultivate a resilient attitude. You’ve got to go through the “no’s” to reach your “yes.” Until you get there, you haven’t tried everything.
“I can’t motivate myself. I just end up distracted.”
It is difficult to avoid distraction, but desire and clarity are necessary. Do you really want to do it? If yes, is the next step clear and vivid in your mind?
If yes for both, then the most likely culprit preventing you from moving forward is self-sabotage. Why do we self-sabotage? Usually to avoid insecurity rooted in old trauma. Trauma does not need to be extreme or violent to influence our behavior. In fact, we are often unaware of its influence because it feels like a logical behavior that keeps us safe. The relief of avoiding a task which makes us feel insecure is like a drug. We are addicted to that feeling.
Our experiences become part of the stories we tell ourselves, which become our worldviews about our lives, our potential, and our relationships with everything around us. They can hold us back with doubts and feelings of insecurity. We think these are hard truths and believing them keeps me safe but typically it’s an outmoded belief that doesn’t serve you anymore.
Trauma needs to be worked on with a therapist. I’ve had great success and heard nothing but positive things about EMDR therapy. Seeing a good therapist is the most effective way to break through emotional trauma that makes it difficult to follow through on things that are important.
The most important thing that I’ve learned in my first year as a coach is that, with the right mindset, anyone can be your coach. Everyone can teach you something if you’re ready for the lesson.
Despite the fact that I’ve boiled down some common things that people atypicals complain about, that doesn’t mean atypicals are all the same. In fact, we are so different it’s amazing. Each of us is trying to reach their own unique goal and I want to enjoy those cool things. That’s why I became a coach.
Just know that you’re not alone with any of your problems and that everybody needs help to deal with them. Not just a couple of times. Not just for a month. Long-term.
If you are interested in talking to me more about some of these things, send me an email at firstname.lastname@example.org, read the full article here, and check out my YouTube channel for more tips. Talk to you soon!
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Love and light. Keep fighting the good fight! 💜💜