An Ode to Depression

Depression Concept with Human, Broken Brain and Heavy Rain

It’s depression. You can’t put it into words. You get stuck and time passes by. I’m stood there on the edge of a cliff, can’t go back and can’t go forward. Days go by. I’m still in the same place. Everyone else’s life goes on, but you’re stuck. You try and try and try and I don’t know how, but you came out of it eventually.

Kell Brook

Hey gang! I’m trying something new today. On occasion, I find myself drawn to the art of poetry. Now, let me be clear. I am no poet. I don’t know anything at all about the rules of poetry, though I have taken a few classes on it.

I wrote my first poem in the third grade. By 5th grade, I had written 2 poetry “books” and been published in the local news paper. Then nothing, really.

I like to think that I use quite a bit of poetic prose in my writing but, other than that, the gist of my poetry writing is something scribbled in a notebook every couple of years.

Here’s the thing, though…I kind of want to share it. I put a lot of emotion in when I do write poetry and I would like for other people to read; in the hopes that they will identify and feel less alone.

If you hate it, let me know (in a kind way…I’m sensitive). If you love it, let me know. If it’s a hit, I might share more.

So, here is an ode to depression that I wrote today, because it’s been on my heart and I needed to get it out.

I’m tired from running.
Out of breath
Body shaking
Heart pounding.

We’ve been here before.

I flee from you and
I hide when I can.

I can’t let them see
But inside, you’re killing me.

Even when you can’t be seen,
I can always sense you.

Waiting. Looming. Menacing.

Threatening.

No matter how well I fortify,
You gain momentum.

I can feel your hot breath
On the nape of my neck.
Putrid and fetid.

Your shadow looms just behind me
Thick and suffocating.

A sick game to be played.

Once you catch up
I have to put on my mask;
The one that smiles.

Never show this chink in my armor.
They’ll use it against me.
Tarnish. My. Name.

But the darkness beckons.

I can feel the tears, stinging behind my eyes.
Threatening to fall,
a lump in my throat.

A made-up daydream becomes
Preferable to a painful reality.

The lure of sleep is strong
In my bed, I’m safe.
In my dreams, I’m safer.

As if my body believes
It can just sleep you away.

Silly rabbit.

I have bad news for you, though.
You sinister, rat bastard.

You’ve brought me to my knees,
More times than I can count.

You’ve made me feel raw and painful;
an exposed nerve.

But you’ve never beaten me.
Not once.

You’ve dragged me through the dregs,
Made me bed for the end;
Cursed me with the call of the void.

Your scars are deep and abiding.

But I will beat you back again.
You. Can’t. Have. Me.

You can’t have me.

So anyway, that’s that. I hope that you enjoyed it, that it resonated with you in some way. Let me know what you think, but please be gentle. You gotta let your girl down easy!

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Love and light. Keep fighting the good fight! 

About The Author

Amber Corinne

Writing about living with ADHD and mental illness and my journey down a thriving path forward. Breaking stigmas and creating community, one post at a time.

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