Undeniable: Reaffirming My Purpose

It is our attitude at the beginning of a difficult task which, more than anything else, will affect its successful outcome.

William James

“The purpose of life is a life of purpose.” – Robert Byrne

I think one big key to being content in life is to find purpose. I don’t necessarily love the phrase “life purpose” because it makes it sound like you can’t find purpose unless it’s this big, massive action in your life. The purpose of your entire life seems like a daunting thing to be in search of.

In reality, purpose can be found in the little things; in everyday life. The man who feeds the neighborhood cats because his wife is gone before him. The woman who volunteers at the library to pass the time. Purpose looks different for everyone. Always keep that in mind while you’re looking for yours.

This will probably be a shortish post. First I want to start off by saying that I know the articles I’ve been posting since my break haven’t necessarily been on topic and I do apologize. I ask for your patience as I get some training and make some big transitions in my life. But I still want to reach out to you. Maybe because I crave the connection or maybe because I promised to always be honest with you. Maybe both.

Anyway, on to the meat of it…I have some things on my mind.

Certifiable

I’ve never been very good with following through with things. I finished high school by the skin of my teeth. Then I started college. Then quit. Then started again. Then quit again. I had a short 3 year stint as a professional wrestler (no, I’m not joking) and for the majority of my 20’s I pursued a career as an actress, believing with all of my heart that I would win an Academy Award some day.

I’ve played (and quit) many types of sports, though I did manage to stick with cheerleading for most of Jr. High and High School. I can’t even begin to estimate the amount of money that I have spent on random hobbies over the years. Notebooks that I never filled up; yarn that I’ll never spin. I’ve started at least a dozen books in the last year and I haven’t finished one.

The fact that I have been blogging regularly for almost a year is a huge deal for me. It’s easy to get bored with an endeavor when you have ADHD; your attention constantly pulled to the next shiny thing when the luster of your current fixation wears off. The Winter Of My Discontent has kept me learning and engaged for almost a full 12 months. It’s been fulfilling. It has shown me that I really can do it. I’ve fucking got this.

Seriously. I have proven myself to…myself. Today during my one of my courses she said, “Think of a time when you felt unstoppable.” Truly, all I could think of was now. I’ve never felt more capable or stable. The course that I was taking was my last course.

That’s right! I am now an officially certified Professional Life Coach, Happiness Coach, Goals Success Coach, Life Purpose Coach, and Confidence Coach. Because of those certifications, I am considered a Master Certified Life Coach. But that’s not all I’ve been up to!

I also became certified by the National Council of Mental Well Being in Mental Health First Aid. And this Monday I have an interview to become a Mental Health Ambassador for Step Up for Mental Health!

So this is to tell you that my posts have been sporadic and off topic because I’ve been very, very busy learning ways to better help our community.

And So It Begins…

So, what’s next? Well, I start a business. Which is crazy!! Did you read that list of things that I start and never finish?! I’m serious people. If you looked up, “Has so much potential, if only she would apply herself,” on Google, the first 3 pages of results would be about me. But you know what? I’m kicking that negative belief system right to the curb!

I’m going to be honest with y’all…I’m scared shitless. There are so many things that I need to do and create and pull together. Then I have to figure out the dreaded marketing (for those of you who follow me on Twitter, you know I hate marketing). I’m a writer and a helper. I didn’t bargain for the business side of things.

I digress. I have a lot to learn still. I don’t care. I’m going for it. I was able to finish my certification courses in little under a month. I will be ready to take my first pro bono clients in two weeks and hope to be seeing paying clients by the end of October. What life is this?!

Anyway, once things start to settle a bit, things with the blog will get back to normal…subject-wise. I’m still going to only commit to 1-2 posts a week because I have a feeling I’m about to be a very busy bee. I am going to start posting more wellness content. Don’t worry, I’ll be sticking to my values…no toxic positivity or tough love from this gal. But large part of my recovery is learning how to be well.

As my vision has changed, so has my plan for The Winter Of My Discontent. Sometimes in blogging, as in so many other endeavors, you have to throw a bunch of crap at the wall and see what sticks. I’ve removed some parts of the site that weren’t working or that we just weren’t ready for. Some of them will come back, better than ever. Some have been taken out to pasture.

I’m learning to try to jump into my ideas feet first. If they don’t work, then I recalibrate. Just jumping in, though, has given me so much momentum. I feel like I’m sprinting toward my goals. The suddenness of it has taken me aback a little; it somehow makes it feel less real. That, along with my history of abandoning my projects.

I’m digging in. I’m fighting past the doubt. I have days where I’m not so pumped; days when I feel like I’m a fool to even try it. But I feel deeply that I have found my purpose; to fight the good fight. So, I’m telling that board room in my head, full of voices from my past, that their time is coming to an end. I’m kicking them out for a one woman show. Me, myself, and I.

Honestly, finishing my courses and getting involved in new projects for mental health advocacy…it has all reaffirmed my purpose. I started this blog 18 months ago because I wanted to make a difference, any difference. I had no idea what I was doing or how to tell my story. All I knew was that there were people out there who were feeling how I’ve felt and I wanted to reach them.

Here we are now. The blog recently surpassed 10,000 views (what?!), I was nominated and short-listed for Blogger Of The Year, and now The Winter Of My Discontent is dipping it’s toe into the world of coaching. It’s been a ride. Not a wild ride…more like a long, slow drive on a Sunday afternoon. I can’t wait to see where the journey takes me next.

My Mental Health

Finally, a quick update on my mental health and how I’m doing. Things are going seemingly well. I have a lot of heavy stuff happening in my personal life right now, so not every day is a great day. That said, no signs of my OCD. Of all my disorders, OCD is the scariest and the one that I want to keep at bay at all costs.

The ADHD has been playing tricks on me; even my medicines don’t seem to be helping most days. I’m back to my day job and I am struggling and suffering. My only real consolation is that I’m trying to build a back-up plan. I just need to hang in there for a little while longer.

At the beginning of last week, something happened that normally would have sent me into a tailspin of panic. I won’t go into details, but on a stressful scale of 1-10, this situation would have been a 15 for anyone, let alone someone with my disorders. You know what though? I held it together.

I was a bit worried and a bit nervous but, for the most part, I stayed as cool as as cucumber. At first I thought maybe there was something wrong. Maybe my medicines were working too well. Then I realized…this is how the other half lives. I’m so used to having a heightened response to things that having a normal response to them felt wrong.

Anyway, that’s that. I’m doing pretty good. I haven’t had a panic attack in several months. I’m handling stress as well as anyone. I’m dealing with a lot in the midst of all that I’m trying to learn and do, but I’m standing strong and feeling good.

Anyway, that’s the update. I finished my courses. I’m starting a business. I’m feeling pretty good about it all. Thank you for letting me share this part of my life with you.