These Are The Breaks

Do nothing. Spend some time doing nothing. If you’re completely stuck on something, stop working on it for a little while.

Raymond Chandler

Well, hey there, y’all!! I’m supposed to be taking a break. If you’ve noticed, I haven’t published any new posts this week. Last week, I was feeling really overwhelmed and like none of my ideas were worth writing about, so I decided to take a week to gather my bearings a bit.

Feeling Disconnected

break, time out, background

The reality is, I haven’t been feeling connected to the creative part of myself since my grandma passed. The grief never found me like I thought it would; it trickled in slowly, here and there. It still does. Regardless, my drive and my ability to plan have been lacking since February.

I decided I would republish some posts that I posted in January. The blog’s following has grown quite a been since then and I posted some really important posts that I want to make sure get in front of new eyes. I’m glad I did; I’ve gotten some great feedback from readers.

If you’re interested, this week I have promoted or will promote the following posts because I think they are important and people with these disorders deserve to be understood:

My Mental Health: Persistent Depressive Disorder

My Mental Health: Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder

My Mental Health: Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder

My Mental Health: ADHD

My Mental Health: ADHD Extended

Here’s the problem. By Wednesday, I was feeling restless and bored. I decided to post a Buy Me A Coffee post about bravery to help with the jitters, but by Thursday I was feeling it again. So, I did a thing.

I’ve been thinking about starting a podcast for a couple of months now. If I’m going to be honest, and this is the first time I’m admitting this in public, I want to eventually get into public speaking. “The” career goals: 1) write the book I know is inside me and 2) break into public speaking. If I could be anything, that’s what I would be; an advocating, ass-kicking, public speaking, published author.

I digress. The idea for the podcast sort of came around organically. I first discovered that I could transcribe my blog posts into podcasts, spoken by a computer. Then I figured, why have the computer read the blog posts when I could do it. Naturally, I came to the obvious conclusion that I could expand on the blog with new and fresh ideas.

It’s often that there is information that I have to leave out or thoughts or feelings that don’t make the cut. I’ve either forgotten or I just can’t get them to fit with the piece. A podcast gives me a great opportunity to share more with you and to invite guests to share different perspectives.

I had tried to start recording the first episode and convinced myself to give up many times. Yesterday, I found myself home alone and really bored. I decided to come to the computer and play around with recording for the first episode. I hit record and it just flowed. Once I got to a certain point, I just kept going. Before I knew it, I had something that I was proud of.

I Started A Podcast, Y’all!

headphones, microphone, record

So, yesterday, I published the very first The Winter Of My Discontent podcast. You can also find it in the podcast player below. I’m kind of in shock, honestly. For someone who wants to speak in front of large crowds for a living, I have some level of stage fright. Even when locked in a room by myself, oddly.

But I went for it and I’m glad that I did. I hope that you get a chance to listen and I hope that you enjoy it. Future episodes promise to be a great and informative time. The good news is, it has me feeling fired up and inspired, all over again. I’m thinking about new ideas for the blog and how I can integrate the two platforms. I’m still learning so, if you’re listening, please bear with me while I work out the kinks.

Here I am, on Friday, and feeling that old familiar restlessness. Basically, I couldn’t stay away for a full week. I missed writing. I missed hearing from you, my lovelies. So, how about an update?

The Update

update, upgrade, renew

Things are actually going pretty well, I’m happy to report. I have a little bit of stress going on with short-term disability, but I’m trying so hard not to let it stress me out. Other than that, things are…peaceful. My ADHD meds still aren’t working right, but I got back at the end of the month for an adjustment. That said, everything else is working well and most of my other disorders seem to be in check right now.

I’m now 2 sessions into EMDR therapy, processing 5 memories so far. For those of you who follow along…it’s working! I don’t even know how to explain it. While processing the memories, I keep thinking its not going to work because I can’t picture them well enough or my mind keeps wandering (thanks, ADHD!), but it worked, y’all!

The memories are still there, but I have to dig to recall them and when I pull them up, they’re fuzzy around the edges. I have to concentrate to remember the details. And there is no emotional response to them at all. I can’t wrap my brain around how it works, but I’m here to tell you…it really does work.

I still have a huge list of memories to process, but I’m excited and looking forward to putting in the work. I take another step on my recovery path every day. I think it’s really important to show that sometimes things are good. I still have ADHD, PDD, GAD, OCD, and C-PTSD. One day, I’ll get sick again. It’s an inevitability that I’ve learned to live with over the years.

I used to not be so accepting of it. In fact, it used to tear me apart inside. For a long time, I dealt with denial. Not denial of my illnesses, but denial that I would need medication for the rest of my life. Then I became racked with emotion when I realized that I’d have to do this for the rest of my life. It used to make me feel disheartened; made me want to give up, give in to my baser instincts.

Now, I feel differently about it. It’s just another fact of life. It sucks, but so do taxes and I still have to pay them every year. So, I’m trying to savor the good times and prepare for the bad. I’m armed with different weapons now, than I used to be and I have more knowledge about myself and my disordered brain than ever before. When it comes again, I’ll be ready.

Take A Break

For now, I’m going to enjoy living life exactly how I want to for the next 2 months until I go back to work. I’m going to keep my fingers crossed that things in my brain stay stable. I’m going to keep writing and keep talking and keep finding ways to connect with you.

Thank you for allowing me the break I needed from new content to feel refreshed and creative again. If you’re feeling stuck, I highly suggest just walking away for a few days, more or less if you need it. We all deserve that break. Our minds can’t be creative and building all of the time. We have to allow ourselves downtime

I want to say a quick thank you to all who have reached out to on social media or through messages. Every, single message keeps me going when things get hard. You all stomp my self-doubt right into the ground and it keeps me marching forward. My emails and DM’s are always open so, please, keep that feedback coming because it really makes my world go round.

Make sure you subscribe to the mailing list so you never miss an update. You can follow me on Twitter and Facebook. Also, don’t forget to check out my Buy Me A Coffee page. You can support me by buying me a coffee. I also have different membership levels with exclusive access and you can book Zoom sessions with me and we can talk about a variety of topics like content creation and mental health! I can’t wait to connect with you.

Also, don’t forget to check out the podcast. You can leave us a voicemail with any questions, comments, or suggestions and we’ll play it during the show!

ADHD Beans

Still depressed, anxious, and traumatized. Still an ADHDer. Still kicking ass and taking names when it comes to busting stigma. Changing hearts and minds, one post at a time.

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